I will admit next to my birthday month, March is my favorite time of all. 7 years ago today, I married the man who I truly believe is just for me. We just returned from a short trip without our children. The time was overdue. We had a wonderful time of connecting, reviving and enjoying one another.For the past few weeks I have thought about how we got to 7 years of marriage. 7 years seems short to our parents 80 years of marriage collectively. Whoa, that’s a long time of waking up next the same person!
Our story started at Winthrop University. Affectionately called “The WU”. Winthrop is the place where I met several people who have changed my life in many ways. First, my Savior, Jesus Christ, friends who later became sisters, my Pastor and his wife and my husband(that handsome guy on the left).
Boy, do I love him. However, it’s funny to think I did not like him at first. But, little did we know God had a plan to intertwine our lives. Our relationship started off as a “work relationship”. We had mutual friends involved in campus ministries. We worked closely in helping others fulfill the vision God has placed in their hearts. Meanwhile, we were both involved in relationships that were not the best. Let me talk about that for a minute. To all my single ladies (in my Beyonce voice), as a born again Christian it was very important that the guy I was with loved the Lord just as much as I do. The guy I was “dating” at the time said he’s a Christian but compromised in his relationship with the Lord, thus leading me to compromise as well. Remember this ladies, whatever the man “is” now he will be that same person once you married. Ultimately, I let that person go and decided I would be recklessly abandoned to Christ. No more “dating” for me. The time alone with Christ was awesome. Our relationship developed during those times alone, during those times of me being focused that even now many years later I am still experiencing the benefits.
After spending time together, we joke because all of our friends in our group starting “courting” we had no other choice. We realized our lives had changed and really we liked each other. As I type this I still remember when I realized “I loved” this man. I was living in Rock Hill, SC at the time with two other friends. I was standing there in my bedroom looking at my walk-in closet and suddenly felt overwhelmed. You know the feeling you get when you have a task before you but just don’t know what to do? I became overwhelmed with the thought that this man was precious to God. I became overwhelmed with the thought that I “sucked” at my previous relationships and never been involved in a healthy relationship with a man where sexual intimacy was not an issue. I became overwhelmed by his story of his past relationship and did not want him to experience the feelings he had with the “other” woman. I cried. I mean, I cried the ugly cry, fell to my knees and prayed. at that moment I realized two things: I really loved this person from a pure place. In my previous relationships there was still a bit of selfishness but this time I cared more about him than I did about myself. Secondly, the Lord spoke to me and said these simple word which I still remember today and shared with a dear friend when she started “courting.”
This is what I heard: ” Just be a good steward.”
Those words have wrapped around my heart from that day up until the present. This is really the short story of our courtship.
Engagement pictures taken at Winthrop University(2004)
These last two years have been a testing ground for us. We are both in ministry, raising three young children under 6 years of age, business owners and involved in our community. Service is at the core of our relationship, after all it is what brought us together. However, on my end I had to deal with some feelings that I never had before when our third child was born. Stress and outside influences were attempting to tear us apart. We argued, we went to bed mad some nights, I even cried myself to sleep because I “felt” like my needs were not being met. But something happened, that changed my “mind”. I realized I was the problem. Yes, I was the PROBLEM! I focused too much on what was wrong and did not concentrate on what drew me to love my husband in the first place. I was not doing what the Lord taught me long ago, ” Just be a good steward.” Sometime wives we have to do that even when it seems like nothing is changing! So I changed. I returned to my first love(Revelation 2:2-5). Now, today our marriage is not perfect, however, I rather not grow towards perfection with anyone else.
So here is what I have learned in 7 years of marriage:
Wedding anniversary last year at Swan Lake(photo courtesy: DL Acken Photography)
1. Communion: Time with the Lord is key. When focused on Christ and His promises, I am less consumed with thinking about what my husband is or isn’t doing. Marriage is holy! It is a holy institution, and we must remember that. I remember when I read that in the Love Dare I was totally floored by that concept. I know the Lord is holy but I never equated that with my spouse. Unfortunately, I believe people including me forget and start treating our spouse like a “dish towel”, a common object. A “dish towel” wipes up the mess, its wet and sometimes smells, its ordinary. Our spouse is not ordinary. They are “noble” (2 Timothy 2:20) not plain.
2. Stewardship: We must remember our spouse is not “ours” but a gift God has entrusted to us. It is our responsibility to take care of them as Christ would.
3. Watch Your Mouth!: Words are powerful. You have what you say (Proverbs 18:21). I was complaining so much about what was happening, I even did it in my prayer. I had to speak more time speaking about where “we” were heading together, keeping that before my “spiritual eyes”. I also learned it is very important who you allow to speak into your marriage. The wrong words from a well-meaning person could be the lighter fluid to an already raging fire.
4. Perspective: What is really true? I had to remind myself my husband is not trying to intentionally hurt me. I have to make a point to live in the truth, God’s word is the truth.
5. Be obedient: I think this by far has been the most important in the pass few months: I have learned to do what I believe the Lord is leading me to do. I was waiting on my husband but there are things God will speak to you do and may not speak that to your spouse. Don’t condemn them for it, just be obedient.
Since doing the above my relationship with my spouse has changed a lot. Happy Anniversary baby, here is to 7 plus 60 more years of growing in the GREATER. I love you today, tomorrow and always.
In His Super Grace
Ro:)
Tags: Advice, anniversary, Christ, faith, family, God, husband, life, love, marriage, parenting, relationships, religion, wedding, wife, Winthrop University
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